Fructose Dreams. Pt. 1.

All I remember is riding a bike through some dilapidated factory buildings. The kind of buildings with the towering, plain concrete walls. I remember the sky being a dark, brown color with black clouds spread out. It was a bit windy. I was riding my bike through these buildings and I apparently had a radio signal being broadcast directly into my head. It was a radio news broadcast about how there was a serial killer on the loose and the media had dubbed him "The Tunnel Spider." It was said that witnesses would see the suspect lure the victim down an alley and then he would kill them. He would then dismember the body, wrap up all the parts in a bag and then wrap up that bag with duct tape. The victim would be found as just a wad of rolled up, gray tape with blood leaking from it. When I heard this report, after it being directly sent to my head, I pedaled faster to get home. I remember reaching my apartment complex and seeing a woman wandering aimlessly out in front of my building. She came up to me and said, "He's here. He's coming. We need to hide." I told her she could hide in my apartment. I had an upstairs apartment, so we made our way up. When we got inside, I locked the doors and checked the windows. "We should be safe in here." I said. Suddenly, I noticed a black, shadowy figure climb up over the balcony and fall into a heap on the balcony floor. I couldn't really make out what it was. I grabbed a bat that I had stashed in my closet. But by that time, the figure had broken through the glass window of the balcony. I went to swing the bat at it but it grabbed my arm and I couldn't move. I remember thinking that I would end up on the news as a wad of bleeding duct tape. At this point...my girlfriend woke me up from my nightmare. She said I was making struggling noises in my sleep. I've never had a dream to that point where someone had to wake me up...

Alarm Clock pt.3.

Work. Home. Sleep. Work. Home. Sleep. Work. Home. Sleep. Work. Home. Sleep. Work. Home. Sleep. As simple as this sounds, three words, it is very hard to come by. The work is no problem at all, neither the home, BUT...it's the last one I have the most problem with. Sleep. Why can't sleep be as simple as breathing. Almost automatically or like hitting a light switch? I know that the Alarm Clock can hear me thinking this stuff but I don't care. I want it to know that I don't like it. That I hate it more than I hate any tragedy that can occur. I'm sending these thought directly to you, Alarm Clock. I hope you notice how much I hate you. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! ...time to get up. Was I asleep?

Alarm Clock pt.2

It was just another day. Slow day at work. I noticed that when I have a slow day at work, I get really tired easily. I would finish work, clock out, go home and sit. I would debate what I would have for dinner or what book I should read. Most of the time, I would get into these really long periods of thinking and not do anything at all. It was quite strange. I imagined that the world forgot about me and I was left in this void of space where time didn't exist. Just free falling in a void...and then the alarm went off. I had finally been sleeping. 6:30 AM I wake up. I had a full night's sleep but I was still tired, if not more tired, then before I went to sleep. Just a constant thinking period and then wake up. Still tired. Still exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can take this. But wait...where did that alarm clock come from? Didn't I throw it in the street yesterday?

Caged Animals. AKA The Place I Found My Wife.

A lot of my friends, who I actually don't share many values with, are of the Mormon faith. I say that we don't share many values because unlike my friends of the faith, I don't have many problems with people living the way they want to live. Like Gay Marriage. I have no problem with it whatsoever. I mean, if people are in love, people are in love. Can't stop that in any way. If there is an attraction that can't be helped, who are we to say they can't go after that feeling of love and comfort? Although, I do share the views of not drinking, smoking, doing drugs or anything else that is gonna harm my body. That is the one huge view I have in common with my fellow Mormon compatriots. The whole no evil thought, no sex before marriage, no any kind of lust at all is a bit beyond for me as well. I mean, it's human nature to do the things we do. We can't deny basic human instincts that come naturally to us. We are barely above animals in some ways. With most of this aside, the reason for this little tale here is one part of the LDS church that I have a curious eye on. The Singles Ward. I was unaware of this specific ward for an unusually long period of time. A former member of the LDS church myself until I ran screaming for the hills, (Not literal.) I found it extremely interesting that a need for this ward even existed. I exited the church somewhere in between my sophomore and junior year of high school. So it's a little bit after that time that they introduce you to the Singles Ward. I must admit that the LDS church got me young. Well, I should say my parents and us kids just followed along. I always felt like an outsider in the church because I found out, even at that young age, that that's the way the church is supposed to make you feel. Like an outsider. They said that there is this magical place somewhere exclusive only to people who have died. A dead club with people who led 'good lives' based on a holy spirit and father. It was all a bit much for me to swallow at a young age. Like an outsider. If that was there objective to make me feel that way, than they succeeded with flying, bleeding, vile, disgusting colors. So I left. I didn't like feeling that way and I felt pity for the kids who still believed in all that. But do what they did, I can't stop them. After leaving, it was years after that I found out about this Singles Ward. I found out through a coworker. He mentioned, I believe, it was some kind of dance at the 'Singles Ward.' That was the first time I actually heard the term, 'Singles Ward.' It immediately had my attention. I then brutally interrogated him about this seemingly obscure, almost embarrassing, underground section of the LDS church. He then began to explain to me the creation of the Singles Ward and why it was there. This coworker of mine who I was questioning was also a former missionary. So this guy had done the whole nine yards. Went and trained at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in the heart of Mormon country, Utah and had done his time abroad in the world teaching others about the LDS way of life. In his journey he went over seas and had to learn the Spanish language. He was fully into this religion, which at times, completely bewildered me. Ongoing with my 'interview' I had to ask again, why was there a Singles Ward? To me, it was nearly ludicrous that such a thing existed. It was almost an insult for these kids and young adults to be a part of the Singles Ward. With my curious nature, I grilled him and asked him questions he had never been asked before I'm sure. I asked him if he thought, that personally, it was an insult that to be admitted to the Singles Ward? Like it was a LDS Psych ward. Or even an Image ward because it involved, what I imagined, were the rejects of the LDS young adult crowd. Kids and young adults who couldn't find a date or were not attractive enough to acquire a mate. And with the whole reason of repopulating the earth with 'good children' I think that the higher ups of the LDS church created this ward because lets face it, every single part of life has it's 'nerds' or 'geeks' in it. Even the 'true religion' of God. How do we get these unfortunate young ones to help us with our master plan of repopulating the earth? We make this secret section of the LDS church and name it the Singles Ward. Where we can force kids and young adults to have to be in constant contact with members of the opposite sex in order to commit to a relationship and have children. Eventually, they will wear down and have relations with the people they see everyday. It's nearly on the borderline of a forced marriage. "If you can't find anyone, we will find one for you!" This whole idea of the Singles Ward came as a shock to me and was right up there with the Catholic church being embarrassed about the exorcism idea. Surprisingly and even funny, this entire idea and judgement came to me from an episode of Seinfeld. I know it's a bit strange but it's true. Everything is a bit easier to fathom with a little bit of comedy in it. I pieced together everything when I heard this line. In the episode, George Costanza says, "You know how you get animals to reproduce in captivity?! You just put them in the same cage!" Well said, Mr Costanza, well said...

Alarm Clock. pt.1.

He always tossed and turned in his bed. 11:30 P.M. 1:36 A.M. Always glancing at the alarm clock sitting on his nightstand next to his bed. Always looking at it sideways as his head rested on the pillow. Home was a small apartment two stories about a busy intersection. Although it wasn't the sound of the honking horns or squealing brakes, it was the red glare of his alarm clock that kept him up. At times, he thought of picking the alarm clock up and throwing it out the window. Not even worrying about unplugging it, just grabbing and throwing. He felt liked it mocked him because in his little world, his alarm clock was alive and full of thoughts. He would grind his teeth and lay his head the other way looking at the wall rather than the red glow of the clock. 3:12 A.M. His favorite was pacing from wall to wall of his room. To him, time seemed to go faster that way. Soon it was a half hour. And then 2 hours. His legs would get tired but his mental state was still racing. Like his alarm clock, he felt his carpet had feelings and thoughts. The carpet enjoyed it's massage as he paced back and forth through it's 'hair.' Back and forth. Back and forth. Suddenly, it was over. The alarm went off and cried until he turned it off. 6:30 A.M. He had been pacing for three hours. Still no sign of fatigue. That was his last worry at this time. He had to get ready for work. Shower, brushing teeth, getting dressed, eating breakfast. On his way out of the apartment, he unplugged his alarm clock and threw it out the window into the busy street below.

A Call To Action.

I don't know why I find it so hard to get up and actually do the things I want to accomplish. I can blame it on my own personal health issues all day but what am I gonna say when I'm dead? Have to find the strength to actually get up and go. I got my camera here, my fingers to type all this out and my own view on the world to take me where ever I want to go and document it. Get up and go. Get up and go. Get up and go. Get up and go. Get up and go. Get up and go. Get up and go.

Weight.

Always weighing on my mind is how people go about living their lives. I understand that I can't force people to live a certain way no matter how much I care. Had a bit of strange recognition at work when a coworker admitted that they looked up to me. Simply put, I know I can't force people to change. But I definitely can be a role model for it...